


color association

by xntiva



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, as much as it huuurts, basically just a timeline of shinjiro and minakos relationship through p3p, oh so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 05:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4594398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xntiva/pseuds/xntiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>she remembered things best when she associated them with colors. sometimes she would search for a color to attach to a memory - and sometimes a color would cling to a memory, whether she wanted to keep it or not.</p>
<p>and the most vivid memories cling to the most beautiful people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	color association

**_._ ** _wine_

the color of his jacket the first time she meets him, inside the hospital room of a friend's.

 

she's not sure who he is, some man with a mutual friend in common.

she disregards him and the way the linoleum floors lent his skin a greenish hue, but she can't. forget the look he gives her.

 

something between pity and jealousy.

 

**_._ ** _blue_

the color of the thug's shirt as he backs her into a corner.

visiting the alley was a bad idea, she had known - she went along with it regardless. as she figures out the best place to hit him she hears a voice, vaguely familiar.

behind them is wine-coat. he scares the punks off without a problem.

 

**"** thank you, **"** she says without much emotion behind her words.

**(** _what she means to tell him is how happy she is that he saved her. her pride catches the words in her throat and forces them back down._ **)**

 

**"** it was nothing, **"** he says, equally stoic.

**(** _but it's not nothing, it's something important. a catalyst._ **)**

 

**_._ ** _orange_

the color of the wild duck burger sign, which she has a clear view of in the distance while she stares over wine-coat's shoulder.

akihiko dragged her here after school, said it was important.

 

as he tries to bully wine-coat into joining the team, she doesn't let herself get involved. she stares.

 

when he finally accepts, she gives him an empty smile, **"** welcome to the team. i'm minako. **"**

**(** _she wants to tell him how thrilled she is to have him fight with her. she doesn't even hint at it._ **)**

 

**"** shinjiro aragaki, **"** he says.

**(** _shinjiro aragaki. she repeats it over and over internally. shinjiro aragaki._ **)**

 

**"** if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly are you fighting for? **"** he asks her out of the blue, and akihiko shoots him a dirty look.

**(** _there's something in his voice - it doesn't sound quite so hollow when he asks._ **)**

 

she thinks the question over, trying to decipher what he wants her to say. everyone wants something different.

she wants to be honest with him.

 

**"** i don't know, **"** she says after a while, watching his face for a reaction.

**(** _was the truth right?_ **)**

 

he gives her a slight smile, **"** is that so? **"**

**(** _she wants to take a picture of his smile so she can keep it forever. sometimes a memory isn't enough._

_she wants this moment in high definition glossy print framed on her wall._ **)**

 

_**.** gold _

the color of tziah. everything sparkles and reflects light in every direction.

it's beautiful - or, rather, it could be beautiful if not for the shadows that swarmed its halls.

 

it's here she realizes that shinjiro has golden flecks in his dark grey eyes.

 

she likes it, fighting beside him.

he hits hard - even harder than her, swinging an executioner's axe as though it were weightless.

 

she tries holding it once, and she can't get it fully off the ground.

 

**"** you need to get momentum behind your swing, **"** he tells her, as he sees her struggling with the weapon.

**(** _momentum: the force or speed of an object; impetus, as of a physical object or course of events. momentum._ **)**

 

she does as he suggests, or tries to. something about his words don't connect properly. the blade leaves the ground for a second before crashing back down.

 

**"** still not right, try it like this, **"** he says, and his footsteps echo across the floor.

from behind her, he grasps both of her arms firmly, and together the swing upwards, effectively knocking a statue off the wall.

**(** _she can feel his erratic heartbeat and his strange breathing pattern. she decides it is her new favourite feeling._ **)**

 

_**.** navy blue _

the color of the night sky in the park, as they sit under the stars together, switching back and forth between heavy topics and pointless banter.

 

she ignores the cold as she can, knowing the moment he realizes she's freezing he'll make her go home. he always does.

she shivers despite her protests.

 

he raises a warm hand to her cold arm, **"** you're cold, **"** he says quietly.

**(** _disregard it please. don't cut this night short._ **)**

 

**"** do you want to go? **"** he asks, in his usual polite tone.

**(** _what does he want to hear? everyone wants something different. keep telling the truth._ **)**

 

**"** no, **"** she answers simply, catching his dark eyes with her red ones.

**(** _it feels good to have someone she can be honest with._ **)**

 

**"** alright, **"** he says with one of his little smiles, which have been growing less and less rare the more time they spend together.

a moment later, his jacket is gone from his shoulders and he lays it on hers. he leaves his hand on her shoulder.

she moves closer to him.

**(** _he is warm._ **)**

 

_**.** silver _

the color of the watch he gives her after she finds his old brass pocket watch. she hands it to him under the stars.

the night leaves her uneasy.

 

the way he spoke to her was heavy, burdened. every word sounded more and more like a goodbye.

 

she lays in bed, eyes trained on the ceiling. she can hear his voice. **"** i’m leaving the rest to you **"** he'd said with a smile that felt less happy than she was used to.

**(** _what is that supposed to mean? she should have asked. she was afraid to ask. she's afraid to know, despite the fact that she already does._ **)**

 

_**.** grey _

the color of his bedroom walls.

she cornered him downstairs, and despite his protests, she forced her way up.

 

he tries to make her leave - uses every bad boy line he has saved up, tries to scare her. 

he even tries to force her out of the room, but she won't budge.

her mind is made up.

 

she stays the night, and he never lets go of her. with a smile that seems more sad than anything else, he whispers in the dark, **"** i love you, minako. **"**

**(** _she swears her heart nearly stops as the words hit her skin, seeming in and lighting her blood on fire._ **)**

 

**"** i love you too, shinji. **"**

**(** _nothing has ever been more true._ **)**

 

_**.** white _

the color of the full moon, hanging high in the sky, laughing viciously at the group of children under it. 

shinjiro is nowhere to be found.

she insists they wait for him. they tell her there's no time.

she begs fuuka to search for him. she tells her there's no time.

 

the fight is sloppy - fortune and strength.

she nearly meets death after a swing from strength that she failed to see coming.

 

**"** are you alright? **"** akihiko asks when all is said and done, as he hauls her off the ground.

**(** _no. nothing is alright._ **)**

 

**"** everything's fine, it's just not my night, **"** she lies through her teeth, giving him a reassuring smile that he eats up.

**(** _she misses telling the truth. she misses fighting beside him. she misses his cologne and his rough voice. she has a bad feeling._ **)**

 

**.** _acid green_

the color the dark hour casts over everything, dying even the most beautiful landscapes something sickly.

 

the feeling of dread catches up with her when akihiko takes off running. she doesn't take a second to breathe before she takes off after him.

her lungs burn by the time they stop. they're at the alley.

blue. the punk. wine-coat. shinjiro.

shinjiro.

 

she sees him.

 

there is a noise.

it's deafening, and ricochets throughout the nearly empty alley.

it hits her again and again and she struggles to maintain her balance against the torrent of ear shattering noise.

 

there is silence.

 

**.** _ red _

the color of her eyes. akihiko's vest. the couches in the dorm. sunsets. valentine's day cards.

a bowl of ramen. mitsuru's hair. the sees bands. her headphones.

 

a fire. blood. death.

 

shinjiro's coat is dyed red.

 

she teeters, but finds that she can't fall - her feet are glued to the pavement and no matter how unbalanced the world becomes, she stays upright.

everything seems so far way. her feet move on their own.

her feet move on their own. seconds take minutes take hours take years.

 

she falls to her knees at shinjiro's side - touching his chest, feeling warm, feeling wet.

somehow, her eyes find his.  


**"** don’t cry, minako, **"** he coughs.

**(** _is she crying? is she crying? is he?_ **)**  
  


exerting energy he should have been saving, he lifts his arm and places his hand on top of hers.

red. their hands are red.

 

**"** i loved you, i always will, **"** he whispers, just loud enough for the two of them.

**(** _don't do this. don't do this. stop. his breathing is the steadiest she's ever heard it and his heart is slow. don't do this._ **)**

 

**"** promise me, **"** he wheezes, **"** you'll take care of yourself. **"**

**(** _his eyes are grey. focus. his skin is white. focus. focus on something._ _focus on his jacket._

_wine. a chance meeting in a hospital. a delinquent in a blue shirt. wild duck burger. the broken statue. a sky of stars. his watch._

_the color of his sheets. the color of his sheets? w_

_hat color were his sheets?_ **)**

 

**.** _brown_

the color of the cardboard boxes that all of his belongings have been neatly packed into.

they sit in his room, unmoved.

 

**"** you need to clear out the room, **"** mitsuru advises.

**(** _it's still his room. he's not gone. he'll come back. he'll need a room to come back to. his room._ **)**  
  


**"** i'll get around to it, **"** minako answers in the same uninterested tone she's spent her entire life mastering.

**(** _it takes everything to keep her voice from cracking in the middle of her sentence._ **)**

 

**.** _burgundy_

the color of shinjiro's jacket, upon further inspection.

it hangs off the back of a chain in her room, and she spends her nights staring at it.

 

it's not a wine coat, it's burgundy.

she's been wrong about it this whole time.

 

what else has she been wrong about in the last several months?

is the color of her uniform charcoal, not black?

 

it's a pressing subject.

 

**.** _smoke_

the color of the school's tiles. also a color that can be associated with a period of time she grew to think of as 'in between'.

in between the time shinjiro went to sleep and when he would wake up.

 

_because he was going to wake up._

she had to keep telling herself that.

 

**.** _yellow_

the color of ryoji's scarf. ryoji is a transfer student like she is.

ryoji is a familiar feeling. an echo.

he feels like home.

 

**"** would you like to get coffee with me, minako? **"** he asks in a honeyed tone.

**(** _she could say no. rejection is a two letter word. she feels a tug at the back of her heart._ **)**

 

**"** i'd like that, **"** she says.

**(** _it's the truth. it feels good._ **)**

 

**.** _baby blue_

the color of the sky, after it stops looking so grey.

being around ryoji readjusted her perspective.

 

life felt a little more worthwhile, like maybe there was something out there worth fighting for after all.

she smiles more, and laughs. the dorm is more lively.

 

**.** _black_

the color of death. rather, the color of _ryoji_ as he sits on her bed and confesses the truth.

 

"i am the appriser," he says, voice hollow.

**(** _the truth has never hurt her before. this can't be the truth, because the truth does not hurt._ **)**

he shows himself to her, and begs to be killed.

 

to kill ryoji. to forget.

 

wine. blue. orange. gold. navy. silver. grey. white. acid.

red. red. red. red. red.

 

shinjiro.

_t_ _o forget shinjiro_.

 

**"** i could never, **"** she says firmly.

**(** _to forget. to live in peace. to be blissful in her ignorance. to sleep. to die. to be a fool._ **)**

 

**"** it’s regrettable, but it’s your life, **"** he sounds angry, but there is pity in his voice. he leaves.

**(** _his ring feels heavy on her hand. everything feels heavy._ **)**

 

**.** _pearl_

the color of adamah.

the ground sounds like glass as their footsteps race across it. light reflects off of everything.

 

the promised day approaches, and going outside becomes unbearable.

people and their apocalypse theories, even on the news. she'd rather not think about it.

 

another shadow falls to the ground before her. junpei hollers, fuuka cheers. she is quiet as usual.

she is jealous. everyone around her has found some sort of resolve, a reason to keep going.

 

**"** what exactly are you fighting for? **"** a voice rings in her head, faint and softly distorted. the color red.

**(** _i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know._ **)**

 

**"** you, **"** she whispers to herself.

**(** _i'm fighting for you. so you have a place to wake up to. and for them, because they deserve a chance at a future more than anyone else._ **)**

 

**.** _crimson_

the color of blood, upon further reflection.

 

the promised day arrives without fanfare. they go to tartarus one last time.

they find jin, speaking senselessly about takaya and nyx.

she thinks he might be trying to sound brave, but he's sounding delirious.

 

**"** this is his wish, and i won't back down! **"** he cries, rushing towards them.

**(** _this is his wish? this is why he fights? for his friends wish?_ **)**

 

he falls quickly, far less stronger than expected. it's a painful reminder that he is just as human as the rest of them. junpei goes to finish him off.

 

**"** junpei, there's no time, **"** she says in an authoritative tone.

**(** _please let him live. he doesn't deserve this any more than we do._ **)**

 

they begin to walk away from him, and hear a loud bang.

she doesn't dare turn around, stomach gnawing on itself, heart faltering slightly.

 

she trips over her feet.

 

**.** _pitch black_

the color of nyx. of death. of ryoji.

if she looks closely, the monstrosity still looks like him. sometimes she can hear his voice laced with _it's_.

 

she has to fight.

 

and she fights hard, and so does everyone else. and then it's done. a victory.

but it doesn't feel like one.

 

nyx rises again.

 

**"** your suffering will end, **"** it booms, shaking the earth. it ascends.

**(** _this can't end here. this can't be over._ **)**

 

everyone falls to the ground, as if forced down by some unknowable presence. she forces herself to stay standing.  

 

she steps forward, upwards. she follows nyx.

 

**"** don't do this! **"** screams yukari from her place on the ground.

**(** _this is what she’s supposed to do. this is it._ **)**

 

nyx is the moon, hanging low in the sky from where she finds herself. as close as it is, it still feels unreachable.

she tries hitting it, cutting it down - but her attacks won't connect.

it hits her the first time, and she's flattened. 

 

she vaguely wonders if this one hit has killed her.

 

she hears voices, her friends. they echo in the abyss, louder and louder.

she finds the strength to get up.

 

she hears _his_ voice, the loudest in the darkness, **"** let's do this. **"**

**(** _this is for you. this is for everyone._ **)**

 

**.** _mist_

the color of the months that follow, as everything around her slowly begins to lose it's color.

everyone has forgotten, except her. the dorm feels strange and uncomfortable. foreign.

 

she doesn't let on that she remembers a thing.

 

time flies past her, and it's almost graduation day. the day they promised to meet up. looks like, however, there would be no meeting after all.

she wonders if he's forgotten too. can coma patients forget?

 

she feels heavy.

people comment that she looks sick, and should take a few days off. she doesn't have time.

she has to keep going.

 

during the days which she knows have to be her last, she tracks everybody down, one by one.

they have small conversations that seem meaningless.

 

but to her, they're goodbyes.

 

aigis stares at her. she thinks she must remember too.

and on graduation day she walks into her room like she's done on so many occasions, and wakes minako up.

she overslept.

 

**"** i can't believe i forgot, **"** she says, sounding the most human she's heard her.

**(** _it's fine. at least you remembered._ **)**

 

**"** come on, let's go wait for the others, **"** she says, helping minako off the bed.

**(** _she hates this. feelings weak. unable to stand up on her own. hardly able to breath. her heart rattles against her ribs and she tells it to shut up. it doesn't._ **)**

 

**.** _bright_

isn' a color. but it's the best way to remember the rooftop.

she lies on a bench, head in aigis' lap as she idly plays with her hair.

 

it's hard to keep her eyes open, and her vision is hazy, but this is the most vibrant she's seen the world in a long time.

she wants to savor it.

 

**"** are you tired? you can rest, the others will be here soon, **"** aigis says softly, like a lullaby.

**(** _she is afraid to close her eyes. sleep scares her. she knows what's on the other side waiting for her. she's afraid._ **)**

 

the sky is so bright. blue. the sky is blue. like aigis' eyes. the hot spring water in okinawa.

  

she hears a door open, and it sounds so far away.

everything sounds muffled.

she can't find the strength to turn her head.

 

the voice is familiar. it sounds like a dream. it's closer.

 

she's out of aigis' lap and into someone else's.

she looks at him closely, trying to figure out if this is a dream.

 

**"** you shouldn't make a sick guy push himself so hard, **"** he chides. he's trying to sound positive, but his voice has never sounded so sad.

**(** _shinjiro. she knew he'd wake up. shinji. his arms are safe. he is warm. he's shaking slightly. breathing heavily._ **)**

 

**"** i saw a girl in my dreams, **"** he sounds more broken up now, and he pulls her up, so she's fully in his arms. completely supported by him.

**(** _this isn't a dream. it's real. too real. she might be crying. she's not sure. everything is hazy. his eyes are dark grey with gold flecks. focus._ **)**

 

**"** yeah, **"** he chokes, **"** this ain't a dream. **"**

**(** _she is happy. she is tired. wine. blue. orange._   **  
**

_it's painful to keep her eyes open. she can hear footsteps. gold. navy. silver. **  
**_

 

_things get hazier._

 

_are her eyes still open? grey. white. acid._

_is she awake? red. brown. burgundy._

 

_it's so bright. it’s too bright. she feels so far away._ **)** **  
**

 

 

**"** i love you, minako. **"**

**Author's Note:**

> first of all i'm sorry second of all i'm sorry.
> 
> now that that's out of the way i hope this was at least decent. i wrote this forever ago at 4 am and then touched it up and left it for dead in my drive, thinking i had posted it. whoops.


End file.
